A Piece of Writing |
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Author: Shoon
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Type: Fanfiction
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Status: Incomplete
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Series: None
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Preceding: None
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Succeeding: None
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Blurb: Hollywood's a place where everyone is the epitome of perfect. Remember the pact Big Time Rush made? They they wouldn't let LA change them? That they'd always stay true to themselves? Well, when one band member starts to see distortion of himself in the mirror, he goes to far lengths to change himself, oblivious to the fact that he might be hurting himself to the point where he's unfixable.
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Chapter One[]
“Logan, get your nose outta that book! We’re gonna be late!”
Carlos’ cry cuts through the silence of the apartment, making Logan look up. He’s reading a medical textbook, specifically about heart attacks and the cardiovascular system. It’s a very intriguing topic, considering his strive to become a doctor. However, Gustavo’s rehearsal times, school, and his friends often cut into his reading time.
He doesn’t mind too much, after all, he’s working his butt off at Rocque Records, so he and his best friends can be famous and successful. Though, once the band breaks up, he does have something to fall back on, which is nice. He loves singing and dancing with his friends, but all good things must come to an end. And when they do, he’ll be able to go to college, the first step to becoming a doctor.
“’Litos, James is probably still doing his hair, we’ve got time,” He reassures the Latino, who is running around the apartment, trying to pack his duffel bag for the dance rehearsal they have later in the afternoon. However, they should leave now, if they want to make it on time. And James doesn’t finish up until he absolutely has to. So, Logan grabs his duffel bag, hoisting it over his shoulder, before walking over to the edge of swirly.
“But Logie! It’s already 9:18 and we gotta be there at 9:30!” Carlos whines, pointing to the kitchen clock.
“James! Kendall! We gotta go!” He calls up the slide, wondering why Kendall isn’t down yet. The blond is normally the first one fully ready, and he often rushes the rest of them, fearing being late, because of Gustavo’s temper.
"As if on cue, Kendall slides down swirly, his duffel bag on his lap and an apologetic look on his face.
“Sorry! Jo called and I lost track of time,” He apologizes, going over to stand by Carlos.
“James!” Logan calls again, somewhat irritated. It’s the same thing every morning, James taking forever to do his hair, barely making it to Rocque Records on time, being yelled at by Gustavo. If they’re even a minute late, Gustavo goes much harsher on them throughout the day, and sometimes tacks on extra time to make up for the time they’ve missed. It’s not fun at all, and if James doesn’t hurry up, that’s what they’re in for.
At last, the tall brunette appears at the bottom of the slide, looking perfect, his duffel bag on his shoulder. “I’m ready, let’s go!”
“Finally,” Kendall reprimands, sighing. He tosses the car keys to Logan, him being the only one who has a full license.
“Let’s go!” …
“DOGS! YOU’RE 20 MINUTES LATE!” Gustavo’s booming voice can be heard on the streets, his face red, scrunched up in anger.
Logan shifts awkwardly in his place next to Kendall, before speaking. “Sorry Gustavo, we were a bit delayed this morning.”
“Well, dog,” Gustavo sneers, bringing his face inches away from Logan’s. “You all can stay an extra hour, plus no breaks today! That’ll teach you to be late! Now, go put your stuff away! We’re starting with harmonies for Love Me Again!”
Their producer walks off, Kelly following with an apologetic glance.
… “WHAT WAS THAT?!” Gustavo bellows, turning off the music. “LOGAN, YOU’RE SCREWING UP AS USUAL!”
The guys take off their headsets, Logan hanging his head. He sighs, staring at the floor. Why can’t I do anything right?
“Alright, that’s it!” Kendall glares at their boss, his eyes blazing green fire. “What is your freakin’ problem?! You’ve been yelling at Logan all week!”
“Well, maybe if he sang the right lyrics, I wouldn’t have to!”
“Well-“
“Guys, take a break,” Kelly says, cutting Kendall off, and shushing Gustavo when he starts protesting. “I’ll talk to Gustavo.”
Immediately, Logan opens the door of the recording booth and steps out, walking past Gustavo, heading for the lounge. He finally reaches the couches, but footsteps follow. Kendall, Carlos, and James.
“I just wanna be alone,” He mutters, walking past the lounge, and out of the studio. He leans against the brick wall, sighing heavily. It’s true. He’s never been able to do anything right. Out of the four of them, Gustavo yells at him the most, because both his singing and dancing suck. The only strength he has is his signature backflip, which is only used in music videos or during concerts. It’s blatantly obvious that he can’t dance, and his singing needs a lot of work.
“Logie? Sorry to interrupt, but Gustavo said break’s over,” James says, poking his head out the door. Logan looks up, a fake smile plastered on his face. He nods, and James smiles at him, before ducking back into the building.
Sighing again, Logan walks back into the studio, blinking back the tears in his eyes. …
“Alright! Love Me Love Me! X-dance!” Mr. X announces, as the four guys stretch. They’re wearing basketball shorts and t-shirts, stretching so they won’t pull any muscles. The music starts, and Logan grunts, before beginning the complicated moves, trying to be as in sync as possible. All four of them are supposed to do the moves together, so timing is key. But, when you’ve got four different guys, timing is the hardest part. James often rushes, while Logan is often too slow. Carlos and Kendall are somewhere in the middle, but they all need to be together, for it to look right.
Surprisingly, Griffin walks into the dance studio, two of his employees behind him. Mr. X stops the music, and all four guys turn to their CEO.
“No, keep dancing! I came to observe,” Griffin tells them.
Mr. X nods, and restarts the music. Logan’s stomach sinks. Griffin…watching his every move? It’s nerve-wracking, because their boss will point out his each and every mistake. Voice all the flaws he has, making him feel like a screw-up. Gustavo already hurts him enough. His self-esteem is already ripped apart with every passing day, Gustavo makes sure of it. Sighing, he snaps out of his thoughts, and tries to focus on the rapid music.
Dammit.
He’s falling behind his friends again. He’s a beat slower, and he knows that won’t go over well with Griffin.
“Alright, stop!” Griffin commands. The music is turned off once again, and all four of them turn to the older man. “Kendall, James, Carlos, good job. Logan, you have to work a little harder! You need to keep up with them!”
“I’m sorry. I’ll try harder,” he mutters. He knew this would happen. Griffin would call him out in front of his friends, Mr. X, and Gustavo. Just to prove how much of a screw-up he is. This just proves it…he’s horrible.
“And Logan. We’ve been seeing reports of fan comments, saying you’re fatter than the other three. They do have a point…I’d advise you to drop a few pounds, so you’ll be just as popular as Kendall, James, and Carlos.”
Stop.
Logan’s heart stops.
Fatter?
Is he really fatter than Kendall, James, and Carlos?
Chapter Two[]
It’s as if everyone’s stares burn his skin. He can’t do this…not right now. He’s way too overwhelmed, and he does the only thing he can think of at that very second.
Run.
Logan runs out of the studio, away from their stares, away from the harsh eyes of Griffin, away from everything. He hates the world so much right now. He knows he’s about to panic, so he runs straight out of Rocque Records, heading for the back of the building.
His thinking place.
He hears shouts and cries from his best friends, but he ignores every one of them. He’s about to break, and he has never let anyone see him like this. All he knows is that he can’t take it anymore. He’s not thinking straight, no matter how much he forces himself to try and remember something. It’s like his mind is completely blank, a thick fog. Finally, he reaches his destination and sits with his back against the wall.
Griffin’s words slammed into him like a ton of bricks. Fat? He’s always been insecure about himself, and his self-esteem has always been lower than Kendall’s, James’, or Carlos’. He’s the most cautious, the most indecisive, he could go on forever. And Gustavo and Kelly and Kendall and James and Carlos and Griffin’s two employees all heard him say those venomous words. I’d advise you to drop a few pounds so you’ll be as popular as Kendall, James, and Carlos. You’re fatter than the other three.
You’re fatter than the other three.
He doesn’t even realize it, but tears are leaking out of his eyes and falling down his cheeks. He didn’t even know he was crying. Another reason he’s weak. Crying for every damn thing.
“Logie?” A voice invades his ears, and Logan jumps, startled. He wipes his face with his shirt quickly, trying to hide any evidence that he’s been crying, before his friends come over.
However, only James emerges from the shadows, a look of warmth and sympathy on his face. Dammit. He doesn’t need sympathy. He doesn’t need anyone to sugarcoat anything. Sympathy will just make him feel better, go on the way he is, and continue disappointing fans. He’s fat. Weight loss needs to become his primary goal.
“Hey Logie,” James says, sitting next to him. “Griffin’s wrong. He’s an asshole, buddy. But, how’re you holdin’ up?”
>“Fine,” Logan replies tightly. He’s doing his best to maintain a strong demeanor, and not let James find out that inwardly, he’s completely breaking.
“No. You’re not fine, Logan. Griffin’s words got to you, I can tell. You may be trying to hide it as much as possible, but I can see through your mask. It’s okay to break, Logie. You need it once in a while. No one else has to know.”
And that’s all it takes.
Logan buries his head in his hands, as the waterworks begin again. James’ words really hit him hard, and he honestly feels like he’s breaking. His resolve is crumbling, and he can’t control anything anymore. He’s breaking down, right in front of James. He hates himself for it, the fact that he’s too weak to wait until he’s alone to cry. But, there’s nothing he can do. Everything just…got to him, and now, he’s lost control.
“Oh, Logie…c’mere,” James whispers, pulling Logan into his arms. The shorter brunette almost cries in relief at that. James’ comforting hold is all anyone needs to feel safe. So, he just cries into the older boy’s chest, letting James hold him. …
Sighing, James tightens his arms around his brother, rubbing his back gently. He hates the fact that Logan has to go through this. Ever since they came to LA, he’s been berated by Gustavo and Griffin. Hell, he was the predicted member to get kicked off the show, if that had actually happened. James knows his brother is hurting, and he’s hurting badly.
“Let it all out, bro. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere,” he murmurs, as Logan shakes and trembles against him. He feels his shirt slowly soaking with Logan’s tears, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter, is that Logan’s okay. After all, he was just told a bunch of lies that he probably believes. Just because Griffin is their CEO, he isn’t always right. Logan is not fat. If anything, he’s thin. Very thin. He watches what he eats, and though he doesn’t exercise that much outside of dance rehearsals, he doesn’t consume all kinds of junk food.
Kendall and Carlos are back at the studio, yelling at Griffin for what he said. As soon as Logan ran out, the three of them pretty much raged at their boss. However, one of them had to go find the brunette and make sure he was okay. James decided to come, because Logan opens up to him the most.
He feels his brother hiccup, before letting out one last whimper, and lifting his head. James smiles gently at him, taking instant notice of how horrible he looks. His face is red from crying, a contrast to his pale skin, his cheeks are wet with tears, and his eyes are glassy, shining with unshed tears. He’s shivering, and his chocolate brown eyes are cast downward.
“You okay now?” James asks, wiping Logan’s cheeks with his thumb.
“I dunno…” Logan mumbles, still not making eye contact.
“You can always come to me if you’re hurting, Logie. I’ll always listen. And please remember, you’re not at all fat. You’re perfect, just the way you are, and we all love you.” …
James pulls him up, and smiles again. Sighing, Logan turns toward the path that’ll lead them back to the front of the studio. He really needed to break down, but he’s ashamed that he couldn’t wait until he was alone.
“C’mon, let’s go home,” James says.
He can’t. His legs refuse to move. He’s way too embarrassed to face Kendall and Carlos. He’s breaking inside again, and the short brunette collapses into James’ chest.
“I’m gonna faint…” He mutters. It wasn’t a lie; he does feel like passing out. His legs feel like jello, and he’s really tired.
“Let’s get you home,” James says, pulling Logan off of him, before snaking an arm behind his back, and behind his knees. In one motion, he lifts Logan into the arms.
Logan catches a grunt, as James lifts him. His heart sinks. That must prove he’s overweight. Usually, James has no problem carrying him. After all, the muscular guy is able to lift Kendall, who’s almost as tall as him.
Bottom line: Logan Mitchell is a fatass that needs to lose weight, before he loses friends.
For now, he’s too upset to care about that. He just buries his face in James’ chest, whimpering softly, as the brunette carries him out front. …
James finally reaches their car, Kendall and Carlos already there. Both of them give him questioning glances, and he sighs.
“He’s fine, just not feeling his best. Leave him alone, he’s pretty embarrassed about it,” James says, as Carlos opens the backseat door for him. He gives the Latino a grateful smile, before placing Logan in the seat, sitting him upright. After he’s sure Logan’s comfortable, he gets in next to him.
“You okay, Loges?” Kendall says from the driver’s seat, turning around to look at the small boy. “We’re off for the next week, courtesy of Kelly. Everything’s good, Logie.”
“Fine, and thanks,” Logan says in a monotone.
The drive back to the Palm Woods is silent. Logan’s staring out the window, a blank expression on his face, and it’s worrying James. It doesn’t look as if Logan’s convinced that he’s not overweight. He still looks pretty upset about it, and James’ blood boils. Damn Griffin. As if Logan’s self-esteem wasn’t already small, it’s been ripped away now. There’s none left, just an empty, broken shell of their brother.
And James can’t take it. …
Logan stares at the ceiling, as silent tears stream down his cheeks. He’s been locked in his bedroom ever since they got home. Kendall, James, and Carlos have all tried to coax him out, to no avail. He wants to be alone, so he can drown in his own self-pity.
“Weight loss…how do I do this?” He mutters, sitting up. Crying like a baby won’t help that much, but maybe the Internet will.
He grabs his laptop, and searches dieting. A slew of websites come up, all about different healthy diets. That’ll take forever. Those diets predict results in months. He doesn’t have that long. He needs to lose weight, and fast.
Suddenly, it comes to him.
Not eating.
If he stops eating, and just barely eats enough to survive, he should lose weight, right? After all, eating like a pig was what got him this far. Just a few adjustments, and he’ll be good to go.
It can’t hurt, can it?